wha?

i never realized up until a few months ago that ministry had an 80's new wave career until the 90's industrial turn they took. totally weird. they sounded like new order and depeche mode. that whole thingie. i was in a pretty rotten mood today. nothing ever goes my way. i guess such is life and i gotta just learn to deal with it. oh well. it was sooo gross out yesterday. sticky and humid. rank. before work i went and got some more of those bubble envelopes at the dollar store. when i got to work i packed up the videos. you could see emily was looking at the videos through the corners of her eye. she was probably like, wasn't your mother supposed to give me those abbott and costello videos?! lol whoops. too bad. i had jackson and c.j. go out in the yard. stuff was wet from the rain so i gave them a roll of toilet paper to wipe the rides down with. jackson would take the tiniest piece of paper to wipe the big thingd down with. soo funny. i brought salmon with me to work for lunch. i don't know if that's what made me feel sooo ill 'cause i felt so sick afterwards. this might have made me even more sick. during naptime i called that rite aid that i was supposed to, to ask for the job. well i called and said that i was calling about the pharmacy technician job. there was a long silence. she asked how i was referred and i told her from the laguardia community college program. she was like, oh oh oh, yes. then she proceeded to tell me that they werent' hiring. what the fuck?! what was that letter all about then??!! oh my god, i was sooooo pissed!! still am. pissed and depressed that i let my hopes get all high. fuck that. never again. then she gave me some other number to see if other rite aids are hiring but i don't know who to ask for or anything like that. what a joke that was. i seriously felt like throwing up after that. everyone's reaction is so stupid. you should call this person or that person. i made the mistake and called my mother to tell her and she's like, let me call the number. uhm, no. i'm not your fucking retarded son that needs people to do things for them. i was like, what, you don't believe me?! my whole life she never believed me. i never did anything to make her think otherwise. fucking eh man. thule came to drop off money and we were talking. i told her how damien told me that the kid in his called told him "you fuck". he never even told her. as she was going out the door she asked if i still would ever like to watch him on the weekend sometime. i don't know why but i said yes. i need the money. as long as it's at their house. she was telling us how they might be moving to north carolina. that probably would be good for him. when she left emily made the comment of how she's gotten bigger. uhm, who cares? does it matter? she looks fine! gosh, i'm fucking sick and tired of her weight comments about people who don't even have weight issues! she's always telling me these comments too. fuck, i wonder what she thinks of me then! after work i went to the post office. it was weird to have been there at that time. i went to eckerd to do some depression shopping. i was trying to find some salon brand of detangler but no such luck. after reading the updatedl list of companies that test on animals and looking at the back of the bottles of stuff i usually buy, i'm noticing that companies that used to be cruelty free have now switched and test. it's sad and weird. aussie and herbal essesences. fucked up. i had no choice to get herbal essesences though 'cause it's the only spray detangler they had. i got some nice smelling calgon ocean body mist. of course my brother was here again. the fresh direct came late. i was starving. actually, the food didn't all disappear. he's coming early this morning to paint. i told my mother that i will NOT tolerate him screaming and waking me up. she's like, there's nothing i can do. she's such a fucking cunt. no respect! haha, i gotta laugh at that though. it's pathetic. i saw the first episode of the new season of degrassi. crazy shit is gonna happen this season. i don't know what to do with myself this weekend. my mother still hasn't gotten her dell card. ugh, we need a new computer! it shut down just as the security scan was gonna be completed! what a fucking waste! arrrrggghhh!!! i don't know what is with the random complete shut downs. until next time...